Last Letter
by i.was.born.this.way
Summary: Last letter from Patrick Jane to his Teresa Lisbon. If he couldn't tell her, could he write it? - better inside. Jisbon


My dear Teresa!

It's funny to writing this, because if you reading it then I'm probably dead. Why probably? Well it's a chance that you find that and now you are still reading this, or maybe you are not Theresa. If you are not then put it down! Now! Or I will hunt you.

But there's a big chance that I'm really dead and you're reading that. Maybe you are asking yourself why I'm writing that, or better why I wrote that. Well for many reasons. First of all I don't (sorry, didn't) wanna be like Angela and Charlotte, without words. I didn't want be just gone. In one moment.

Anyway, there's second reason, too. I didn't tell you lots of things in my life and I didn't tell you one the most important thing. I don't know what to write here. Well I know what to write but I don't know HOW. So I'm gonna start with other things.

You know, this is my last letter. I wrote three letters before, for Wayne and Grace together, Cho and Madeline. . This is yours. I'm sorry because it's really long, but I have too many things to tell you. Usually for me I will start with others.

Grace and Wayne. I bet they are together now. And that's right. They are perfect couple, just like .. never mind. I knew they'll be together one day, all from Grace's wedding with O'lauglin. I knew it because she taked too long for saying yes and also, she wanted to escape. But then she realized it's too late. Bad for her, because she divorced anyway. Poor Wayne, he was totally dead when she said yes. He hoped to last moment. I'm sure now they are both happy. If they are not, I'm sure they'll be soon. They are just mean to each other. That's why I wrote them one letter, not two.

Maybe you are wondering what I wrote to them, but I'm sure they'll show it to you. And I'm sure that Grace'll crying and Wayne'll comforting her. Then it'll happen. One kiss and all masks'll be crashed. Good. One more happy couple. Enough about them.

Cho. The coolest person I've ever met. And believe me, I've met them a lot. He is a really good guy and behind his masks he is very nice. And the way he love his Elise is amazing. They don't talk with words, they talk with eyes. I hope they'll be together the rest of their rest. They are just like me and Angela ..

Third letter was or is for Madeline. For short time that she worked for us she did a amazing job. And don't worry she is definitely not connected with Red John.

Here we are. Red John. Bastard that killed my family and destroyed my life. I hope that I found him and I hope that's why I die. I hope that he got what he deserves. Well, now I don't know who is he, yet. But I expect that there are more people. I don't know why I'm writing all this. If I died because of Red John then you know who he is. Or she. Or them. That's my best possibility. I imagine how I'm killing them. Here it is. My dark side.

You already know it. And you're scared of it. Well, I'm scared of it sometimes too. But then I remember Red John and everything is hidden. Except him. Them.

So, I hope I died when I caught him. Or better, killed him.

Anyway, sometimes (right now) I'm asking myself hot will it be. I mean dead. How it is? Do you feel something? Are you like a stone? No life, no thoughts, no feelings ? Or maybe there's a place where is every body that meant something to you? I don't know. And that's something that scare me. And that's why I don't wanna die. And I'm afraid to loosing my new family. Grace, Cho, Rigsby and specially. You. Yeah, you've read right. You. Teresa Lisbon.

Do you know how beautiful sounds your name?

And your green eyes? They're amazing

And now you're looking at those words and can't believe them.

They're true.

That's why I'm writing to you.

To tell you words that I can't when I was alive.

We've been friends and co-workers for a really long time. And this is a part of letter that talks about you.

I don't know how to start. Do you remember when we first met ? I don't care about anybody, except me. And Red John. I was wearing my fake smile and fake charm. No, charm is real ;). But you was just as usual. You weren't like other women. You were mystery for me.

But soon I started reading you. You are secret alcoholic that loves tequila. That's what you got from your father. With pain and three brothers. I know them all. (Yeah I find all about them first day when I've met you, Another thing that I'm sorry about.). They all have green eyes just like you and they love football. They love and miss you, specially Tommy. Please when you stopped reading this please go and find them. You won't be sorry. Anyway, do you know you have niece? Her name is Theresa. Because of you, she is really an angel. Oh yes, that picture that is with this letter is from her. To you. I know you had very difficult childhood, but please ..

Well, go on. Mashburn. Billionare with who you had one night stand (I know everything). At first I hate it, but now I know it was good for you. And Mashburn, he is good. He could take care of you in these hard moments. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on. It's really hard to write that but.. Maybe with time you'll love him. And then you'll have beautiful children with green eyes and dark hair. I'm sure they will be like a little angels on Earth. Specially if they'll be like you. And then you'll be happy. I hope so.

What I'm talking about.

Damn.

I don't know how..

Damn!

To who I'm lying?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all pain that I gave it to you. I'm so fucking sorry! I'm sorry for all tears and I'm sorry that I don't let you inside me. I'm sorry. But that's right. I'm sorry! So so so sorry. I had chances and I destroyed them. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry for making Red John the center of my life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for writing all this! I'm so sorry. If I could live longer .. Teresa, I'm really sorry. I was selfish bastard.

And now I'm dead.

Maybe it's better that. No love - no pain.

You know I'm broken and you know I couldn't be fixed.

Find another one. Better than I was.

BUT, Don't forget every single moment that we spent it together.

Be strong.

I'm coming to end. There are just three words on my mind and I don't know if I could ..

Damn! All my life I have no guts for that..

**I LOVE YOU.**

I love you Teresa! I loved you from first day, but first as friend and then as bestfriend and now I love you. I love you. I love you. And I'm so fucking sorry that I couldn't tell you that. I love you. Three simple words. But I was too selfish and scared to loosing you. There are no excuses. I love you. More than I love my first wife, I love you. And I'm so sorry that right now I'm not with you. I wanna hug you, kiss you. Even now I'm thinking about me. How selfish! I hate me. Be happy Teresa, be happy ..

I'm not the right one. You could find better match and you know that. Be happy Teresa, be happy with someone that's not broken. Be happy! Have your own life. But please don't forget me. Be strong.

One day everything'll be okay. One day.

Until then … be strong.

With love

Patrick

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**This it is the end of first part of the story. I have two ideas for the edn stuck in my head, so I wrote them both! They are devorced with number (#1,#2). Review which end do you prefer! :D Remember they are DIFFERENT ENDS!**

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**The End #1**

He crushed another letter. He didn't like it. And then he wrote another one. But he crushed this too. Sometimes are acts better from words. Sometimes he has guts too. And that sometime is right now.

So he stood up, took roses and went.

He went to her

He went to Teresa.

He told her everything, he told her every single word. He told her how he thinks and he told her the most important thing - that he LOVES HER.

And she ..

She decided to give him a chance. She decided to be with him. She decided to be happy.

Until Red John comes.

Because every good thing ends.

But they also know that every bad thing ends.

So, they are together. Until they'll find Red John or until Red John will find them. And everything will be destroyed. Until then, they will be happy.

**

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The End #2

He is dead.

Patrick Jane is dead.

And all she got is that damn letter. With precious font on it. She opened it, but she decided not to read it. It was too many years, too many years and he was the same. Selfish bastard.

How could he?

How could he just die?

She remembers every moment with him, she remembers his face and voice like he is behind her, she even remembers his smell. But the most painful things that she remembers are memories. Their memories. They are everywhere, they are everywhere, they are everywhere …

Memories.

Small tear fell from her eyes on letter.

In this moment she decided. There is just one way to take the pain away. One way…

She took her gun.

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**Thanks for reading and sorry for mistakes! English is not my first language. :)**

_**So, which end do you prefer? - REVIEW**_

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and maybe I will continue.


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